A Fishermans saga.

[Foggy]

The fishing saga of desperate Dan Mgrew (1848)

(To be read in a Devon accent)
(Any swearing is done under poetic licence)


Desperate Dan Mgrew
Was a fisherman through and through.
And he searched the shores of Britain for his fish.
Not a single day went by
That he didn’t eat fish pie
Or some enticing fish related dish.

He lived down in Torbay
But often went away.
In search of that elusive giant
But as he caught so many
Quite soon there wasn’t any
So other fisherman got quite defiant

Now listen here Mgrew
We wants a word with you.
You’ve fished the sea until theres not a one.
So why not take your yacht
And find another spot
Like Canada or China! Now be gone.

So came the fateful day
When old Dan was on his way
He stored his kit and set to go
Now he new he didn’t oughta
But he left his wife and daughter
Standing on the quay and crying so.

He sailed for many a day
Just where he couldn’t say
But a friend had mentioned Capmandu
Where the fish were huge and many
And fishermen not any
He told Dan that’s the place for you.

But the wind began to blow
With hail and rain and snow
Grimly Dan held on with all his might
just when all seemed lost
the equator had been crossed
Dan shouted lummy land in sight.

So Dan soon danced a jig
Though the land was not too big
It’ll do to make repairs and have a brew
And he landed on a beach
With turtles and a leach
And five hundred hungry cannibals in search of stew.

They dragged poor Dan Mgrew
Through the jungle wet with dew
And dropped him by a cooking pot.
Then they took of all his gear
Until naked and in fear
He was covered with some herbs rubbed in a lot.

The drums began to beat
Old Dan could feel the heat
As the fire began to rise to gas mark three
Dan shouted out real quick
Eatin me will make you sick
A good fish pie is what you want for tea.

Then from the baying crowd
Stepped a woman large and proud
And in Dan's tongue asked him whats fish pie?
Well shiver me timbers said Dan
Talk English so you can
Yes I learnt it from a sailor passing by.

Now it turns out she was chief
And voluptuous beyond belief
Dan caught her eyeing up his fiddly bits
She stood there eyes aghast
As Dan’s todger raised the mast
Why Dan! I think you like my tits.

So the natives lost their tea
Which was inevitable you see
Cos old Dan and her were copulating
In her hut he did the job
While outside the hungry mob
Just licked their lips and sat there waiting.

For ten days the hungry crowd
Chanted their songs out loud
About the stew and how their hopes were high
But when old Dan had done
The chieftain’s heart he’d won
So she proclaimed to all eat Fishy Pie

Old Dan was quite confused
That fish were never used
Such food is just the thing for you
But the natives then replied
From fish they always hide
Cos they eat natives in ones or even twos.

And he learned of one big shark
That prowled the coast at dark
And gobbled up whole cows just for a laugh
When they asked if Dan would try
A tear came to his eye
He replied you bet I will, not half.

So after all these frightened years
they forged a hook from spears
A line they made from grass and fur
With a goat as the live bait
Old Dan just couldn’t wait
To pit his wits against this evil cur.

He sailed into the bay
On a mild and glorious day
Chucking cow bits to his left and to the right
When the bugger smells this lot
A contest I have got
And then well see who wins the fight.

Well it didn’t take to long
For old Dan to sing a song
About his land in lovely sunny Devon
Of his wife and child alone
And the fireside in his home
So he made a pact with him up there in heaven

Oh Lord I promise now
To go home behind this bow
Under this sail ill go right there
If you let me catch this fish
Cos it is my dearest wish
To kiss once more those for whom I care

While he mused in self contempt
At the life that he had spent
A fin rose up behind his little boat
It was the very beast
Or so he thought at least
And he launched his hook complete with bleating goat.

The shark with evil eyes
Took poor nanny by surprise
And its jaws were like kents cavern to be sure
The line tore outward bound
With smoke and screaming sound
Dan Mgrew stood firm amidst the roar.

The line now gone
Old Dan hung on
You’ll not beat me he cried out loud
But the shark took off
as did the yacht
And Dan held fast and proud.

His mast collapsed upon the deck
Ropes around his legs and neck
For many days he wrestled with the beast
And when he thought that’s it
The shark eased up a bit
Or so Mgrew imagined it at least.

There wasn’t any doubt
The shark was puffed right out
And Dan rowed up along its massive side
His harpoon slashed right in
Mgrew began to grin
The beast rolled over as it died.

He rowed his little boat
Complete with shark and goat
To the island where the people cried
Fish pie they chanted loud
Of Dan Mgrew we're proud
And the chief had something hot for him inside.

But then one sunny day
Dan sailed into Lyme bay
to Torquay harbour that he loved so very much
the locals stood and stared
Its Dan Mgrew they all declared
But where’s the monster fish he promised us.

But Dan just gave a wink
I’ll make the buggers think
and he dropped the sail down from his latest mast
Made of just one bone
The mast stood up like stone
They stared upon this wonder quite aghast.

By Foggy

[fishypaul]

super foggy.i love it