| #11  01-30-2007, 09:05 AM | ||||
| ||||
| Re: jokes Paddy and Mick walking down a street in London. Paddy happens to look in one of the shop windows and sees a sign that catches his eye. The sign said, "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair". Paddy says to his pal, "When we get back to Ireland , we could make a feckin' fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking cause if they hear our accent, they might not be nice to us. I'll speak in my best English accent." "Roight y'are, Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will." says Mick. They go in and Paddy says, "I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up my truck and ....." The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Ireland, aren't you?" "Well...yes," says a surprised Paddy . "How der hell d' y' know dat?" The owner says, "This is a dry cleaners."     |
| #12 01-30-2007, 09:08 AM | ||||
| ||||
| Re: jokes A Blondes Year In Review >> January >> Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight. >> >> February >> Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels..... >> Helllloooo!!!.......bottles won't fit in printer !!! >> >> March >> Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months..... box said >> "2-4 >> years!" >> >> April >> Trapped on escalator for hours .... power went out!!! >> >> May >> Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't >> fit >> into those little packets!!! >> >> June >> Tried to go water skiing.......couldn't find a lake with a slope. >> >> July >> Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the other >> swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!! >> >> August >> Got locked out of my car in rain storm..... car swamped because soft-top >> was >> open. >> >> September >> The capital of California is "C".....isn't it??? >> >> October >> Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel. >> >> November >> Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days .. instructions said 1 hour per pound and I >> weigh 108!! >> >> December >> Couldn't call 911 ..... "duh".....there's no "eleven" Button on the >> stupid >> phone!!! >> >> >> AND NOW - THE BEST BLONDE JOKE OF THE YEAR - SO FAR >> A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female >> neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. >> She opened it then slammed it shut &stormed back in the house. A little >> later she came out of her house again went to the mail box >> and again, opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house >> she went. >> >> As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, >> marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed >> harder than ever. >> >> Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" >> >> To which she replied, "There certainly is!" >> (Are you ready? This is a beauty...) >> >> >> My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL!" >> |
| #14 02-09-2007, 10:28 PM | ||||
| ||||
| Re: jokes Drive carefully: 90% of people in this world are caused by accidents.  If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.  __________________ A bad day fishing is better than a good day working! Fishing: if it were easy, it'd be called "Catching" http://www.flickr.com/photos/omahayank/sets/ |
| #15 02-09-2007, 10:56 PM | ||||
| ||||
| Re: jokes If you watched the Superbowl on a 60" TV....and you saw the half time show w/Prince......He appeared life sized!  __________________ A bad day fishing is better than a good day working! Fishing: if it were easy, it'd be called "Catching" http://www.flickr.com/photos/omahayank/sets/ |
| #16 02-19-2007, 04:23 PM | ||||
| ||||
| Re: jokes A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, "I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was. The husband asked the man, "How could sandals make you a sex freak?" The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon." Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's thighs. The Jamaican began screaming: ' ' ' "You got dem on de wrong feet"! __________________ www.exmouthsaa.co.uk litter is lazyness 24 beers in a case and 24 hours in a day,coincidence or good planning |
| #17 02-21-2007, 08:33 PM | ||||
| ||||
| Re: jokes LOL....ick, but lol __________________ A bad day fishing is better than a good day working! Fishing: if it were easy, it'd be called "Catching" http://www.flickr.com/photos/omahayank/sets/ |
| #18 02-23-2007, 11:23 AM | ||||
| ||||
| Re: jokes this ones bad but made me smile ----------- A man goes into a fish and chip shop with a salmon under his arm. "Do you sell fish cakes here?" "No" comes the reply "Shame. It's his birthday".......  __________________ www.exmouthsaa.co.uk litter is lazyness 24 beers in a case and 24 hours in a day,coincidence or good planning |
| #19 02-26-2007, 08:21 PM | ||||
| ||||
| Re: jokes You all know the saying, "Friends dont let friends dial drunk"?.... It now includes "Dont let friends text drunk, particularly if theyve got 'predictive spelling' on their phone". "His former girlfriend calls back, Angry!! and asks....Why do you want to kick my puppy????" __________________ A bad day fishing is better than a good day working! Fishing: if it were easy, it'd be called "Catching" http://www.flickr.com/photos/omahayank/sets/ |
| #20 02-26-2007, 08:59 PM | ||||
| ||||
| Re: jokes A man goes to the doctor as he has a problem with the insignificant size of his manhood. (No, this is not a true personal account) He says, "Doc, I need your help. Every time a girl sees this they can't help but laugh." The doctor replies, "Well, the only thing I can offer at the moment is still in the early clinical trials stage. I'm not sure if it's for you." The man starts begging that he'll try anything so the doctor goes on to explain. "Well," he says, "We take the extract from a baby elephant's trunk and inject it into your "problem area." The man agrees to the treatment and after a week or two he is seeing a distinct improvement. With this new found confidence he meet's a lovely lady and decides to take her out for dinner. So, there they are, enjoying each others company when the starters are brought out. Suddenly, the man feels a movement in his underwear, and without warning his dick rips through his trousers, reaches up and grabs the bread roll off the table before withdrawing back from whence it came. The girl, with a twinkle in her eye, says "Wow!!! That was amazing do you think it could do that again?" The man, through watering eyes and clenched teeth replies, "Probably but I'm not sure my arsehole could take another bread roll!!!" Thanks for your patience......I'll get me coat! Darren |
