Cleaning A Catfish, And Some Jokes?

[master_angler11]

[i] The "Lost Finger" method of catfish filleting



The only thing more fun than catching catfish is eating them. There is a small chore in between those two steps. Somehow the tasty bits need to be separated from the less desirable ones.

Everyone has their own ideas about cleaning fish. With the exception of little fiddlers, I only clean them one way. Filleted. Bones were a big problem with our kids and filleting was the only option. The easiest way to keep bones out of your throat is to get them out of the fish. Many folks think filleting is wasteful but if done correctly, very little meat is left on the bones. There are several ways to fillet a catfish but I think this method puts the most meat in the frypan. Since this page went up, several folks have written me to say that this was not the best way to fillet a catfish. Once again, this is only the way it is done at my house.

The tools you will need to fillet a catfish are a very sharp fillet knife, a decent pair of skinning pliers and maybe, for safety's sake, a Kevlar glove. When I say a sharp fillet knife, I mean shaving sharp. The knife doesn't need to be expensive (my favorite one cost less than ten bucks) but it needs to be so sharp that the shadow will cut your finger. Skinning pliers are another low budget item. Any good sporting goods or discount store should have a pair for less than five dollars. You can use regular pliers in a pinch but once you use some good skinners, you will never be without a pair. The Kevlar glove is for people who have trouble keeping up with the location of all their fingers . While filleting a fish with this method, the knife and the fingers are in pretty close company at times. That is why I call this the "Lost Finger" method




Catfish seem to have an aversion to being filleted and some method should be used to put them in a little more favorable mood. This is not the most pleasurable part of fish cleaning but it has to happen unless you like having fish barbs stuck in your hands. Having had a barb stuck into the soft area between my thumb and index finger about an inch and a half deep, I can say that it isn't my favorite thing to do. Catfish barbs are like stingray barbs and porcupine quills. They go in easy but the doctor takes them out. The smaller fish barbs also have a very sharp edge that will cut like a razor. Trust me on this one and put the fish to sleep. Hammer to the head on smaller fish and pith the bigger ones. Pithing is an easy method of paralyzing larger catfish but it takes a little practice to master. Basically you take a piece of strong thin wire and insert it into a soft spot on the fishes head. It has to be maybe a 4 pounder or larger to have the hole in it's head. The soft spot on the head is just forward of the eyes and in the center. The spinal column is at the rear of the brain case. After the wire is in the head, you have to "feel around" for the hole that goes from the brain into the spinal column. After you run the wire a short distance down the spinal cord the fish will stiffen and quiver a slight bit. When the wire is removed, the fish goes completely limp except for the gills. I prefer to cut the tail and let them bleed to death as I think this improves the flavor of the meat but bleeding makes a mess and if I can't do it, I will pith the fish. It takes some practice to find the spots but you can work it out. A stiff stainless wire, about the same size as a large paperclip and 8 inches long will work. The wire I use is made from an old Mercury outboard shift cable. I drove the wire into a short piece of broom handle to make a sort of grip. It's a little big for the smaller fish but tough as a boot. Pithing is something that would be helpful to see someone do first but it isn't rocket science and with some trial and error you can figure it out. I am going to get some images up to help you locate the areas to insert the wire.

Skinning

Make two small cuts in the skin just behind the head. There are two muscles that run from the head along the bone where the top barb is connected. Make the cuts where those muscles connect to the head. Just make the cuts deep enough to cut through the skin and not the meat.




Take the skinners and starting from the cuts, peel the skin down towards the tail.



If you like, you can hang the fish from a hook or a nail in a pole to do the skinning. Don't worry about skinning the belly because with the exception of flatheads, catfish bellies are greasy and pretty nasty tasting. If you skinned the fish correctly the gut will never be opened and the meat stays much cleaner.

Filleting

Take your filet knife and cut the meat away from the bone that the top barb sits on all the way from the head to behind the barb and also cut it loose from the bone below it and from the head. This will leave a piece of meat about the size of your finger on a decent sized fish.






Now comes the trickier parts that will require some practice. With the fish laying on it's side, insert the tip of the knife just behind the anal vent and run it to the top staying very close to the backbone until it comes out on the top.



Work the blade along the backbone all the way to the tail. At this point the fish is half filleted on one side.



Set the fish back on it's belly and connect the cut behind the top barb and the cut from the filleted tail section.



Keep cutting down the backbone until you encounter the ribs and work the knife around the ribs. You will not get too much meat from this area and I usually just separate the fillet from the carcass when I get to the ribs.



Repeat on the other side and you are done.



There, You've Cleaned Your Catfish, Any further questions just post..




Here Are Some Dumb And Funny Jokes---


What did the fish say when it hit a wall ? DAM


A guy rings his boss. I can't come to work today. The boss asks why? The Guy says it's my eyes. What's wrong with your eyes the boss asks? I just can't see myself coming to work, so I'm going fishing instead...



I was given the ultimatum 3 weeks ago... She said it's me or your fishing! Gee I miss her...



Two brothers are out for the day in their tin boat. The first one hooks into a big one, fights it for a half hour or so and when the fish finally tires he brings it to the boat. it is the drop-dead oddest fish they have ever seen. before they can drop it into the cooler the fish says, "I'm an enchanted fish and if you'll let me go I'll grant your any wish." Well the boys are a bit skeptical but they decide he's too ugly to eat so they drop the fish over the gunnel. looking up from the lake, the fish says "ok, what will it be???" Before having time to think the first brother says, "all right, turn the lake into budweiser!" Before you know it POOF! The lake turns into a foaming vat of beer. "Now why did you go and do a damn fool thing like that" the other brother says, "Now we'll have to pee in the boat!!!!"



Old man rocking on his porch sees a young kid and his fishing pole walking down the dirt road. "Where you goin' with that pole?" he calls. "Gonna git me some fish with this here fishing pole!" answers the kid. Sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with a bucket of fish. Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some duct tape. "Where you goin' with that?" he calls. "Gonna git me some ducks with this here tape!" answers the kid. "You can't git no ducks with tape!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the tape strung out behind him and ducks stuck all over it! Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some chicken wire. "Where you going with that?" he calls. "Gonna get me some chickens with this wire!" answers the kid. "You can't get no chickens with wire!" hollers the old man. But sure enough, as the sun is setting the old man sees the kid going home with the wire strung out behind him and chickens stuck all through it! Next day, old man rocking on his porch sees the kid walking down the dirt road with some pussy willows. "Now hold on just a minute" calls the old man, "while I get my hat!!"









Joke 2: Mother to daughter advice: Cook a man a fish and you feed him for a day, but teach a man to fish and you get rid of him for the whole weekend.



Two blondes rented a fishing boat, and were having a great day catching fish. The first blonde said "This is such a great spot, we need to mark it so we can come back." The second blonde proceeded to put a mark on the side of the boat. The first blonde asked "What are you doing?" The second blonde replied "Marking the spot." The first blonde countered "But what if we don't get the same boat?"



A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a change to fishing for a week. Its the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in and hour to pick them up." He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later her returns. His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear." He says "Oh yes it was great. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas." His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"



It was a cold winter day. An old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line, and waited patiently for a bite. He was there for almost an hour, without even a nibble, when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice next to him. The young boy dropped his fishing line and minutes later he hooked a Largemouth Bass. The old man couldn't believe his eyes but chalked it up to plain luck. But, shortly thereafter, the young boy pulled in another large catch. The young boy kept catching fish after fish. Finally, the old man couldn't take it any longer. "Son, I've been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You've been here only a few minutes and have caught a half dozen fish! How do you do it?" The boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm." "What was that?" the old man asked. Again the boy responded, "Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm." "Look," said the old man, "I can't understand a word you're saying." The boy spit the bait into his hand and said... "You have to keep the worms warm!"



A woman takes a lover home while her husband is out fishing. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?" Boy - "$250" In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I have a baseball glove." The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" Boy - "$750" Man - "Fine." A few days later, the father says to the boy,"Grab your glove, let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says, "I can't, I sold my baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?" Boy -"$1,000." The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that...that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father makes the boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that again".



What did the mummy sardine say to her children when they saw a submarine? Don't worry, it's only a tin of people.



Man ask Little boy what are you fishing for? I'm not fishing, I'm drowning worms



What is said and What it really meant : We got a lot of fish! The rest of the guys caught all of these - I got nothing This fish put up a great fight It cost me a fortune at the Market



Two guys go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred dollars?" The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"




"I got a new fly rod and reel for my wife ...best trade I ever made."



How do you talk to a fish? Drop it a line!
Why did the bass cross the road? Cause it was hooked!
Where do fish sleep? In a river bed
Where do fish keep their money? In a river bank


A pastor, a priest and a rabbi were out for a day of fishing. After getting into the boat they had just pulled away from the dock when the rabbi said stop the boat I forgot the coffee, the pastor who was driving the boat said I will turn around and take you back to the dock and the rabbi said oh no need I will be right back. The rabbi quickly jumped out of the boat and ran across the water to shore and then to his car to fetch the coffee and then ran back across the water and got back in the boat. Well the pastor not wanting to be shown up by the rabbi said oh my I forgot the sandwiches and quickly jumped out of the boat to attempt running across the water like the rabbi but instead sank quickly to the bottom of the lake. With that the priest looked angrily at the rabbi and said you should have shown him where the rocks were.